From One Parent to Another: Tips for Adjusting to Life with Two Children

Meet Sam, mother to two children and member of our fantastic Parent Panel*; a diverse community of Bright Horizons parents sharing their experiences of raising happy, thriving and confident children. In this blog, Sam shares her experience managing the transition from one to two children.

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The emotional shift: what changes the second time

Going from one child to two can feel like a daunting leap, especially if your first pregnancy was difficult. With my first, I could rest when I needed to. I had space to slow down and take care of myself. But with my second pregnancy, that wasn't really an option. A toddler doesn't care if you're tired or nauseous, they still want snacks, stories, and someone to chase them around the living room. That said, having a second child is one of the best decisions I've ever made.

When I had my second, I assumed everything would be twice as hard and take twice as long. In actual fact, everything takes more than twice as long, but it definitely isn't twice as hard!

For me, so much of the struggle with my first child came from adjusting to a completely new life. As much as I loved that tiny bundle, it could also feel a bit suffocating, realising your life now revolves entirely around someone else. You hear “everything is a phase,” but that's hard to believe when you haven't slept or showered in days. By the time you have your second, though, you've seen how phases really do pass. That perspective made the emotional adjustment the second time around feel more manageable.

Beyond emotions, I was lucky to have people around me with multiple children who shared practical advice that made a big difference.

Timing the big reveal

Once we started telling friends and family about the pregnancy, we told our toddler, too, but definitely not before. Toddlers are adorable, but they're terrible at keeping secrets. Once he knew, his nursery was amazing in helping him understand what was happening. They read books about becoming a big sibling and participated in activities such as feeding and changing toy babies.

Preparing through play

We mirrored this at home. We bought him a doll with a bottle and nappy and showed him how to take care of it. We taught him that when the baby was sleeping, he had to tiptoe and whisper, but he could dance and sing when the baby was awake. It became a fun game for him. Admittedly, when the real baby arrived, things didn't play out quite as smoothly, but the game helped lay a foundation.

We also practised bedtime routines with the doll, using it as a way to introduce the idea of safe sleep. That mostly meant trying to convince him that the doll's face didn't need a blanket, no matter how cold it looked!

About a month before my due date, we got all the baby stuff out, including bed, bath, etc and showed him how the doll would use them. This gave him a few weeks to adjust to the new normal.

The doll was an incredible tool in helping him feel involved. We had one strict rule: nothing unsafe ever happened to the doll. No blankets over the face, and no sleepovers in his bed. We wanted to make sure there were clear boundaries before the real baby came along. Some people might think we were too strict, but those rules gave us peace of mind.

Bringing baby home

We ended up having an extended hospital stay after the birth of our youngest, but we made sure our eldest got to visit his new baby sister. We also gave him a puppet book as a big brother gift, something for him to enjoy and eventually read to her.

As a toddler, our son didn't love change, mess, or noise, so adding a newborn to the mix felt a little overwhelming. Because of that, we decided to keep him in the nursery full-time for the first month after she arrived. It might not be the right choice for every family, but for us, it worked beautifully and gave him a sense of stability. He really loved us picking him up with her so he could show off his little sister.

He was so excited once she arrived and absolutely adored her. Two years on, we have a little man and his chaotic little sister; he still looks after her and is incredibly patient. At the same time, she spends most of her time doing running hugs to demonstrate her belief that proximity is love, and that the person she loves most is her big brother.

If you enjoyed this blog, you can check out more of our early childcare resources in our Family Resource Zone!

And, if you're not yet a Bright Horizons parent, but are interested in what our nurseries can offer your child on their exciting educational journey, book a personal tour at your local nursery today!